I don't know if anyone's ever picked up on this, but percocet makes all my dreams like hella vivid. CLEAR. It's pretty scary. Especially when I've been having dreams that are unusually frightening rather frequently lately. *sighs*

I flew back home to Kenosha yesterday afternoon and I was stuck at O'Hare International Airport for approximately 2 hours waiting for my stepdad to pick me up. I broke my leg in Afghanistan a couple weeks ago and that's why I got the chance to come home yet again. This time around I'm in constant pain and I'm rather glad that I don't have to go back to work at that clinic in Japan just yet. I'm not ready. Not emotionally and definitely not physically. I'm on crutches for christsakes and I have staples running up my leg. Last night I had my morphine capsules, percocet and my mom's sleeping pills rock me to sleep. It worked. I was finally able to sleep a whole night through, and even though my leg was screaming when I woke up, I felt surprisingly refreshed.

Today's Denny's b-day and we took him out to some buffet to eat for breakfast and then I threw down on his HDTV for his present. He's a good kid. He deserves a sweet tv. Now, tomorrow...tomorrow's a day for me. So I'm hitting up J.Crew and Polo and Barnes & Nobles and hell, maybe I'll even get mysel one of those little Amazon Kindle things. After all, I deserve it. I was wounded in Afghanistan. And yes I plan on milking that for as long as I possible can.

I need new clothes for the majority of mine are packed away god knows where in Okinawa right now. And I don't even want to start to think about where all my military gear is right now. Hopefully they were able to ship that shit of back to base successfully. : )

The good thing about being a little crippled is that these painkillers I'm on reduce my appetitite to miniscule proportions so I'm dropping weight pretty nicely. I also have basically no sex drive which is great since I refuse to have crippled sex. For a couple reasons. My left leg is hella swollen, it's still got staples in it and yellow stuff oozes out from one site. Sexy, eh? That's right. No sex for me.

Just white russians. And the bottle of champagne I bought this morning.

in the middle of nowhere, bumfuck Fredericksburg, Virginia for military training. 16 hours worth of plane rides to get here. This middle of nowhere is surrounded by an Olive Garden, a Joe's Crab Shack (where I went yesterday for the first time and the crab cakes taste like printer paper), a TGI Friday's, Fuddruckers, and a few other places. My heart and tummy have been kept happy. I cannot begin to explain to you how unbelievable sick I am of Japanese food.

I'm being careful around here though. I hear that 1/5 people in the D.C./SE U.S. have HIV/AIDS and I'm doing rather fine without it. I made it this far with all the risky behavior I seemingly throw myself into. A fucking lot.

Most people bring souveniers back from the places they travel.

HIV just doesn't seem like something I'd want to drag back with me. I don't think it'd fit in my carry-on.

til put the sushi binging, sake drinking on hold and jet off to chicago. i don't even own any winter clothes because it's always pretty over here. i don't know what i'm gonna do about that situation, and to be quite frank, i'm just not gonna think about it. ignorance is bliss. but i wanna go ice skating with Teresa in downtown chicago and hit up all the stores they don't haaaave over here. imma go wild. i promise you that.

i'm officially a lesbian now.
no more boys.
i'm too indecisive and picky and i'll never settle down because in the back of my mind I always tell myself "hey, you can do better."

i don't know if i'm suffering from some kind of psychological disorder, but if i am and you see that...lemme know, yeah?

that I threw my iPhone in the trash at lunch today. And I went over there freaking out and had them all digging in all the trash cans and nothing. It's gone.

Good job, Miguel.

You can't take care of anything.

: (

I forgot a had a real life journal and how PRETTY it was, so yeah...I'm gonna start writing in that a little more. So sorry for those of you that are like obsessed with me. I know, I know. Not your fault. It's mine. My personality has a magnetism of sorts.

GIVE IT TO ME. YEAH!
NO ONE'S GONNA SHOW ME HOW!!!

: )

*rolls eyes*

Madonna. C'mon.

So I was the little shop down the hill where I stock up on Monsters and Snickers and gummi bears a couple times a week and I stumbled across this orange bottle of vitamin.water that made me LOL.



[ah, orange juice commericals. funny stuff. mom cheerfully prepares some huge breakfast while the rest of the family sleeps. sure, this could happen. but every morning? please. maybe if mom were heavily medicated, in which case, we wouldn't condone operating a stove or any electrical appliance.]

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So I bought two. Just to tell vitamin.water that hey, keep up the good work.

I WANNA GET HIRED BY URBAN OUTFITTERS!!! : (

Grar. But there's none of those here. Here you have to crawl through broken glass for miles and miles to get to the closest McDonald's. Either that or you could walk down the hill and head to the Burger King on base. The latter is definitely easier, I guess, but a little blood never hurt anyone.

Hemophiliacs are a figment of your imagination.

I broke my laptop this morning! :[ W.T.F.!!! :[ I dropped it off the side of my bed and like it landed screen first.

So I crawl over to it to see if it's still breathing. And yeah, it was. All the lights light up and the fan and everything is still going. And I hooked up my iPhone to it and it synched the newest episode of Gossip Girl (thank god! *breathes*) but the screen is like shattered. Not the glass or anything, I mean the screen lights up and everything but it looks like someone put the internal display in a blender or something.

And I have no idea what to do. I was looking at new LCD screens online to see how much they'd run (about $300 w/o instillation) so I guess I could just guess and see if I could install it myself. I mean, how hard can that be, right? I'm fucking pissed because I just got it a couple months ago. The allure of purchasing my first laptop had yet to even fade. So okay, today I was productive and got my passport and everything, but now I fail at life because everything I own I break.

Thank tha LORD I didn't sell my iPhone. Because it picks up wifi and no waaay am I gonna live without internet connection in one form or another.

This isn't Kenya.

About...erm, 70 or so days before I see my Nick again. So we'll see if we crash and burn this time around. Yet again. I'm basically a masochist for loving this boy.

I miss him so much. He got my letter today and says he's writing back. But we'll see if he follows through on something for once. Actually, no, he's written me in the past. Back when I was in Chicago and he was in Rockford, which is about an hour and a half away from Chi.

If he doesn't write back then I'm not spending New Year's with him. I'll spend it in some alley shooting up caffeine pills and tylenol.

-End.

That's enough to buy slaves!" Ahahahahaha Cartman. You kill me.

In other news, I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up.

A jetsetter. I'm gonna go to Moscow and to Lima and to Barcelona and to Versailles and to Mykonos and I'll swim in the Nile and get bitten by mummies and I'll go to Saudi Arabia and get attacked by suicide bombing Camels.

Grar.

Off to the Navy ball I'm being dragged to against my will. Well, actually, I was a lot more pissed last night that I had to go...but after pulling my uniform out of the bottom of my sea bag this morning, throwing it in the washer and dryer and sewing on both of the patches on the top and ironing the shiiiit out of it, I know I'm gonna look good and it's hard to have a shitty time when you look so fly.

Plenty of photographs to come.
Because if there's one thing you should know about me, above anything else, it's that I love being photographed.

Grar.

But last night reminded me. It's amazing what a few good people, a few alcoholic drinks, hard bass and techno music can do to your spirits.

And omfg, we went to some karaoke bar after we got done at "Seven" and I was trashed and was all "I WANNA SING N*SYNC" and everyone loved it because I got soooo into Bye, Bye, Bye. I got on the stage and was so dramatic.

Ahahahahahahahaha

I'm glad I didn't go home with that Japanese chick and white guy my friend Craig went home with. Because the Japanese chick was so into me. It was obvious. She was all "Wow, you're gay? You're sexy. Come home with us."

I may be trashed and singing mainstream 90s pop, but once in a while, my morals remain. And you know the most fucked up part of it? I probably would've gone through with it. Not because I have any desire to sleep with women, but I probably would've done it if the opportunity arose like that. I'm about new experiences. Whether that experience is hitting up Tokyo for New Year's Eve (which is soooo happening. YEAH!!!) or shooting up heroin or having sex with some random, local Japanese chick.

Muah.

So, this whole doing Marine coverages so early in the morning needs to stop, because them getting all sweaty [and sexy] for me so early in the morning gets me all stirred up and I'm a mess the rest of the day.

Quit it.

In order news, all my shit from Urban Outfitters came today. Yaaaay! And included was the book "100 Words That Make You Sound Smart."

[Brusque - abrupt and curt in manner or speech; discourteously blunt.]

Anyone know what it is? I had it in some Japanese restaurant tonight and I have noooo idea what I ate. It looked like a crab cake, but it tasted like a meatball, but the inside of it looked like um...ground up chicken? With little hard pieces I'm pretty sure were like pig ear cartilage or something...

Grar. Those Jap folk will feed you anything because they know you'll eat it all retardedly.

: )

More details to come when I wake up from my nap. I'm hoping a nap will help knock out this headache I have from drinking waaay to much last night. Drinking with gay boys all over town and embarrassing myself. Again.

But like I said.

Details to come.

I spent the day sleeping cuz my mouth STILL hurts from the wisdom teeth extraction. It's just hard for me to try and be social when all I can think about is how badly my mouth hurts. And I'm not being a ginormous baby. But I'm not used to being in pain all day, every day. I never hurt. Anywhere. I never take pain pills. Well, not because I -have- to.

And the swelling needs to go down because I haven't been on a date for like 2 weeks because I'm like "um, no. sorry. I don't want you to see me like this."

I am NOT going on dates with sexy boys looking like a chipmunk. Except I don't really look like a chipmunk anymore. But the pain remains the same.

I don't feel motivated to do anything when I feel like this. Especially shit I have enough trouble doing when I'm wired. And I haven't been wired in a while. Because I'm pretty sure the caffeine pills stimulate whatever produces pain in my mouth.

K. Back to bed.

And yes, I have homework due in the morning.
And no, I don't care.

I'll do it in the food court right before class. Again.

...then why do I always second guess myself when I really ponder on that?

What if I'm just settling on him because I know that he likes me on that level?

Maybe I deserve better.
Or maybe he's exactly what a boy like me needs.

Gawd.

I think I'll find out the real answer to that when I go home on leave this Christmas.